The Brangelina Sexual Healing Statue

Daniel Edwards’ lat­est mas­ter­piece is a statue of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie doing what they do best. Fun fact: the statue con­tains actual pieces of Brad and Angie’s DNA, stolen from wine glasses dur­ing the Mr. And Mrs. Smith shoot.

Daniel Edwards, the evil artiste who brought us such ter­ri­fy­ing works of art like St. Angie Breast­feed­ing and Brit Brit Hump­ing On A Dead Bear, has once again used the holy one as inspi­ra­tion. Daniel’s lat­est work is called “Brangelina For­ever.” More like Bar­falotta Forever.

Daniel worked on the piece with fel­low artist Xvala. It is cur­rently being show­cased in a 4,000 square foot home in Okla­homa City called “The Brangelina.” The home was designed by Xvala.

Xvala has installed the sculp­ture in the ceil­ing of the mas­ter bed­room to inspire “sex­ual heal­ing for the room’s occu­pants.”

Xvala is the grand dame of Bran­ga­loonies, because the statute is embed­ded with crushed glass con­tain­ing Brad and Angie’s DNA obtained from wine glasses from which they drank while report­edly cel­e­brat­ing the anniver­sary of their first meet­ing on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Xvala and his pub­li­cist released this state­ment, which might make you want to crawl back into bed and bawl for our future: “The ‘Brangelina’ sculp­ture is des­tined to exist for­ever, the way Brad and Angie’s rela­tion­ship will per­sist in peo­ples’ mem­o­ries. Theirs is the Eliz­a­beth Tay­lor and Richard Bur­ton romance of our time. I believe every home in Amer­ica should become an ‘hon­orary home’ to our Super­stars, in order to con­nect celebri­ties and reg­u­lar peo­ple in spirit.”

Xvala must be closely related to Xenu, because this bitch is the epit­ome of FUCKED UP CRAZY! For the sake of his friends and fam­ily, I hope this trick is just telling jokes. When you outdo Twitards, it’s time to retreat to the near­est padded room.

When was the last time Brad Pitt looked like that?! If they were going to do this, they could’ve at least made it more real­is­tic. Xvala should’ve pulled a grandma off the street, shaved her muff off, dipped it in holy water and then pasted it on Brad’s chin. And why did that Dis­ney Princess Bird eat St. Angie’s nip­ples off?

You know every Bran­ga­loonie is going to Pho­to­shop their head onto that bird’s body and send this out as their Christ­mas card. If you get one in the mail, burn it imme­di­ately! That shit might be contagious.

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